Proton Saga Blog

As a parent, caregiver or teacher, one of the most valuable things you can do is keep your pessimism in check. On Dr. Martin Seligman’s site, called Authentic Happiness, there’s an Optimism Test you can take under the heading Engagement Questionnaires. If you discover you’re mostly pessimistic, then for your emotional health, as well as your child’s, it’s best to cultivate optimism. Follow these character traits tips with your child as often as possible, and they’ll become more positive too.

We All Ask Ourselves About “What Happened”!

Everyone has thoughts that automatically occur Have you ever found yourself singing words to a song that were stuck in your mind? You can hear the music clearly as you silently sing the words to yourself, but nobody else can. It’s in your head, and to you it sounds real. We also talk to ourselves inwardly. It’s usually automatic and very quick, but not always the truth. When somebody says an unkind word to us, or something negative happens, our internal self talk starts. This internal self talk develops beliefs, and those beliefs lead to emotions such as anger, sadness or worry.

If a child raises their hand to answer a question in class, and their answer is wrong, they may tell themselves: “Everybody thinks I’m stupid,” “I’m so dumb,” “I can’t stand school,” or “I’ll never answer a question again.”

If the beliefs aren’t disproven, they’ll stay in the subconscious mind where they become limiting beliefs, and have adverse effects on that child’s life.

We Believe Whatever We Say To Ourselves

If one child says to another, “You’re stupid,” that child will usually defend themselves, and try to prove the statement incorrect. “No, I’m not. I do better in spelling than you do, and I’m in the advanced math class. You’re wrong.” But when a child says to himself that he’s an idiot, he believes it’s the truth. He probably won’t dispute his own self talk, or look for evidence that he’s wrong. These thoughts cause negative feelings, and then manifest to make them withdraw. They might lose interest in things they used to enjoy, like playing with their friends or attending school.

So you need to help your child define their belief about “what happened” and how it makes them feel. If the belief caused a sad emotion, tell them why it’s not true. Show them evidence that what they’ve told themselves isn’t true.

Observe your child’s explanation of what their beliefs are by listening for the use of absolute, pessimistic words like “I never,” “I always,” or “everyone”.

It’s hard to monitor our own thoughts, and it’s even harder for a child. But our emotions clearly indicate what we think or say to ourselves. Feelings are the results of our thoughts. If you see your child is struggling with emotions like anger or sadness, you can tell they’ve had some negative internal dialogue, so it’s your turn to step in and help.

Consequences are obvious, but the internal dialogue that leads to a belief that results in that consequence is not as obvious. Over time, your child will be able to stop pessimistic thinking whenever they like, and will dispute their automatic thoughts and internal dialogue. Learn more about character traits tips and techniques at our site.

Tags: character counts, character, character training, education, children character, six pillars, honesty, citizenship, bullying, educators